Church-Parent Partnership in Discipling Children

The church's role is to nurture, encourage and equip parents to train and disciple their own child. This was the main theme of my article in the summer edition of the ChinaSource Journal titled, "As the Family Goes, So Goes the Church." The local church has the responsicility to engage and equip parents to be spiritual leaders of their child. God's Word teaches that parents have the primary responsibility to disciple their child - not the church or the school. Parents have become distracted by the self-imposed pressure to help their child excel intellectually and are not giving as much attention to mentoring their child to know, love and serve God. Church leaders in china must reclaim their responsibility to nurture the spiritual life of parents so that they, in thurn, can train their own child spiritually.

During the last few years, there has been a growing realization in the church around the world of the need to develop far more effective ministries with children and youth. Leaders recognize that they have not given proper attention to targeting this demographic group. In response, there has been an increasing realization in China to "rethink" the way we mentor and disciple children.

Helping Children Do Great Things for Tomorrow

What are you doing today to help your children accomplish great things for God tomorrow? This morning I read 1 Chronicles 22-27. These chapters describe how David prepares for the temple that his son, Solomon, will build to honor God. David gathers the building materials but the task of finishing the duty goes to Solomon.

David is a good example of a farsighted father. The greatness which Solomon would later achieve was a large measure due to the careful planning and provision which his father, David, made before his death. Though Solomon receives the acclaim for building the temple which bears his name, it was David who drafted the blueprints, gathered the materials, signed up the workers and created an elaborate public relations program to ensure support! David envisioned greatness in his son that he himself would never achieve, and he did his best to pave the way for it.

What sort of heritage will you leave your children to build upon? Will they someday be able to thank God for your farsightedness in building a library, providing for their education, or instilling a vision for ministry that they can continue after you are gone? Take some time today to plan a project for future spiritual greatness for your children.

Raising The Next President

We received some wise parenting advice today from an unlikely source. We visited the William Howard Taft Historic Site, the birthplace of the only man to serve as both President of the United States and Chief Justice of the United States. The park ranger's guided tour emphasized the importance of Taft's family, and the National Park Service brochure amplified the purposeful efforts of his parents in guiding his upbringing. Taft's mother Louise wrote about her parenting strategy in 1860, when Taft was three years old and the Civil War was about to begin. Louise Taft wrote, "I am more and more impressed with the responsibility of training children properly. It is what we are, not what we do in reference to them, which will make its impression on their lives." Listen again: "what we are, not what we do" that fulfills "our responsibility of training children properly." The brochure recounts the efforts that Taft's parents made toward that end, opening their home for Christmas sing-alongs, games and dances, dinners with Taft's friends, and discussions about slavery and women's suffrage with visiting celebrities. Taft fondly remembered his childhood as he matured into the President and the Chief Justice.

How do we fulfill our responsibility to raise our children properly? How do we use our homes? How will our children remember their childhood? I pray that we will have the same impression on our children that Louise Taft had on her future President and Chief Justice of the United States.

"4/14 Window Summit" in Cameroon

My 13 year old daughter, Laura, and I just returned from a two week trip to Cameroon. We went with a team of people to launch the vision of the 4/14 Window movement in that country. We partnered with Silas Nfor and a steering committee of Cameroon children's ministry leaders.

The 4/14 Window is a missions strategy to focus on a demographic season of life comprising the years between 4 and 14. This is the time in a person's life when they are most receptive to the gospel of Christ. Research data shows that 85% of those who become Christians do so between the ages of 4 and 14.

On January 4-5, 2010 we launched the 4/14 Window Summit in Bamenda, Cameroon. The purpose of the summit was to bring the vision of the 4/14 Global Movement to church leaders in Cameroon. Eighty leaders representing 25 churches and ministries gathered to hear about this new global mission strategy. Ten people gave presentations on the importance of the 4/14 Window and strategies to raise up a new generation to transform the world.

Worship Christ as Lord during this Christmas Season!

This morning I pulled a book off the top shelf of the bookcase to look at it again after many years. This is a special book. I gave it to John, my husband, several years ago when we started thinking about having family worship. It's entitled: "Daily Family devotion; or, Guide to Family Worship" by the Rev. John Cumming and was published in Edinburgh, Scotland around 1700. Many years ago (about 20) we asked our friend and pastor, Scott McAlpine, who is from Scotland and now pastors a church in Washington, DC, to bring us a book like this when he took a trip to Scotland. We have treasured it ever since.

Inside the book, W. Lindsay Alexander writes an introduction which reminds us of the importance of family worship. Here is an excerpt:

The institution of family religion has come down to us from the remotest
antiquity, invested with the highest sanction, and recommended by the noblest
examples. The first social worship in our world was family worship. When the
progenitors of our race gathered around the altar hard by the gates of lost
Paradise, it was as a family group that they assembled: and though error and
ungodliness too soon introduced schism into their little society, and set up a
rival altar to that at which they worshipped, yet in the line in which the
primeval revelation was preserved, the worship of the true God by devotion and
sacrifice was followed, and the father still officiate as the priest and
minister of his household.

Abraham, the friend of God, content to dwell in tents, and to lead a nomade life, that he might show that he sought not an earthly settlement, but a heavenly inheritance, was careful, wherever he pitched his tent for any protracted stay, to build there an altar, that he might call on the name of the Lord. His example in this respect was followed by his son Isaac, and his grandson Jacob. And that in thus providing for the worship of God they sought not merely their own spiritual benefit, but were solicitous also for that of their households, is evident from ceretain statement in the brief record of their history.

More on this tomorrow.......

Family Education - Hebrew or American?

Families today hear a lot about the importance of shaping and discipling the next generation. Along with that envisioning we have a lot of tools and resources to equip families to disciple their children. But there still seems to be inactivity on the part of Christian parents. Why? We realize that parents have a great potential in developing spiritual strong young people.

Could it be there we are not basing our ministry in the home to raise up disciples on a holistic model? One that involves the spiritual, relational, experiential and instructional dynamics of transformation.

Let's learn from the ancient Jewish education. These lessos may help us fram the nurturing in our own families. The practices of the Jewish home show a holistic process of transformation. According to Edward Hayes in his book, The Biblical Foundation of Christian Education, "The relgious rites of Hebrew people were occasions for pedagogy. Household ritual provoked wonder, reverence, and joy, as well as questions." Parents should strive to intentionally set spiritual goals and think about a holistic process to disciple their children to know and love God.

Ancient Jewish families viewed the "extended family" when they defined the term family. Today, how can we think more creatively about inter-generational people building?

In ancient Jewish homes, all generations were learning together. Life together, conversations, working together and eating together were more prevalent in Jewish homes. It's pretty hard to have conversations when we rise up (referring to Deuteronomy 6) and laong the road when we are too busy or when we don't have a plan.

So what does this mean to us today as we discern our responsibility as parents to train and disciple children?

Can Parents Teach Their Children about God?

With Internet, TV, sports, school activities, friends, music lessons, and family, kids' lives today are pretty crowded. A survey done by the Barna Research Group (May 2003) revealed that 85 percent of parents of children under age 13 believe they have the primary responsiblity for teaching their children about religious beliefs and spiritual matters, and 96 percent believe it's their job to teach their children values.

But, "Related research revealed that a majority of parents do not spend any time during a typical week discussing religious matters or studying religious materials with their children" (Barna Research Online).

Clearly, the church has a role to play in the spiritual nurture of children but is it playing a role that effectively equips parents to fullfill their responsibility to train up their own children?

I'm chewing on the morsel of a proverb;

I'll let you in on the sweet old truths,

stories we heard from our fathers,

counsel we learned at our mother's knee.

We're not keeping this to ourselves,

we're passing it along to the next generation -

God's fame and fortune,

the marvelous things he has done.

He planted a witness in Jacob,

set his Word firmly in Israel,

then commanded our parents

to teach it to their children

so the next generation would know,

and all the generations to come -

know the truth and tell the stories

so their children can trust in God,

never forget the works of God

but keep his commands to the letter.

- Psalm 78:2-7, The Message

Families Today

I've been spending a lot more time around high school kids lately. Recently, I asked a group of students about their family situations. I was struck by how many of them said they lived with Mom. Some with Dad. Some with neither. They used terms like divorce, separation, abondonment. Sadly, this is more typical of families today. This shift in family patterns is causing a lot of heartaches, pain, uncertainties, difficulties as children grow into adults.

As Walt Mueller of CPYU says: Alot of homes have become a war zone with parents not speaking to one another and siblings taking out the emotional stress on another. I am hearing more and more that teens really want healthy relationships. An older adult to talk with and share their struggles. One expert says that "relational deprivation" is one of marks of today's emerging generation. Our children and teens were created to be in relationship. Humanly speaking, the primary relationship for which they were made is one with dad and mom. today's teenagers desire real relationships that are characterized by depth, vulnerability, openness, listening and love - connectedness in their disconnected, confusing and alientated word."

Broken relationships lead to deep brokenness. Deep brokenness responds to relationship. What will we - parents, the church - do about it?

Building Christ in Kids in the Midst of Life

Last night after dinner every member of our family plus our chocolate lab grabbed a rake and went outside. The leaves are almost all down in the front yard and they are beginning to pile high. As we were raking I asked my youngest daughter about how her mentoring session went that afternoon with her new mentor. So as we were raking and talking she told me that they discussed school issues, stuff with friends and what a mentoring relationship "looks like". I asked her what she understands her mentoring relationship will be like and she told me: "Mentoring is a relationship where a someone older and wiser helps me grow in my relatioship with Christ."

Yes! This is the stuff of life and how we build our kids to know and love God! It is both intentional AND part of our lifestyle! As a parent, I am thinking intentionally about building up my child into the image of Christ, talking with her about her relatioship with her mentor, encourage her. This is simple. It's not hard stuff and not an add-on program. It's within everyday life chores and activities that we disciple our kids.

Go Be a Yellow Daisy!

Yesterday, I had lunch with a close friend to pray with her and swap stories of what God is doing in our lives. She was my prayer and accoutability partner several years ago. She is such an encouragement to me because she remembers some of the things I struggled with years ago and remembered to ask me about them yesterday.

Recently, she transferred her girls from a Christian school to the public middle school. She has been helping her daughters realize that they are followers of Jesus and should reflect His image at school and when they are with their friends. One day this point was perfectly illustrated when she sent one daughter out to her garden to pick flowers for their dinner table. The girl went to the white daisies but was quickly attracted to the one yellow daisy among all the white ones. She picked the yellow daisy and brought it to her mother. My friend was surprised to see the yellow flower and asked her why she picked that one when there were a whole bunch of white ones. "Because I was attracted to it. The yellow one stuck out from the others." My friend used this opportunity to talk to her daughter about the fact that as a follower of Jesus we should "stick out" among others so that the world would be attracted to us and want to know more about the One we follow.

What a great example of a parent teaching truth to her child!

Future Leaders

Dr. Dan Brewster of Compassion International asks the following question in an article, 'Child Ministry and Mission Strategy': 'What are our strategies for growing the leadership needed to lead the churches in 2025?” The forming of leadership is not a process that starts with adults, but is nurtured from a child's early years on. Therefore, future leadership within the Body of Christ is a present-day responsibility of both parents and the church.

Speaking of Mentoring.........

Previously, I talked about the importance of finding mature spiritual mothers and fathers in our church to mentor our children. Some may see the idea of mentoring as a daunting task. "How do I begin? What should be covered?" To help parents and mentors in this important aspect of development, I asked a friend of mine for permission to share his "Mentoring Checklist for Sons and Young Men." Dr. Phil Kayser is a pastor who also leads a ministry working towards Reformation, Renewal, and Transformation of Church, Family and Culture. The name of the ministry is Biblical Blueprints and their goal is to equip Christians with God's blueprints for living their lives to His glory.

Check out their link here:
http://www.biblicalblueprints.org/products/LeaderDevelopment.pdf

Goal: Loving God

Last night, we invited our older daughter's entire soccer team and their families for an end of the season party. We hosted 55 people for pizza, veggies, fruit, pop and lots of dessert! Very fun! Most of the teenagers played "capture the flag" after dinner.

During dinner I sat down to eat with some of the parents. One mother, who has a son who recently started taking classes at a Christian college asked a really thought-provoking question. She said the Christian college her son attends sets rules for students to follow, one of which is a "no dancing rule". She questioned if this particular rule was really necessary. Several of the parents asked why the rule is in place given that we are "free in Christ". The conversation quickly turned to the key question: "How do you prepare your child to live for Christ in every area? Are we discipling our children in a way that when they graduate and leave home, will they make the right choices?" These questions are primary to Christian parents because the Bible teaches that we have the responsibility to train our children.

One of the fathers in our conversation summed up his thoughts on the subject with this: "Teach your children to LOVE God. If they love God completely then they will not be tempted to veer from right decisions." Loving God.......yes that's it! That's the bottom line! But how? I asked this father HOW he and his wife have pratically, daily showed and taught their children to love God. He explained that praying together as a family and reading God's Word together as a family shows the children that we love God so much that we want to spend time with Him. He also talked about how he and his wife model God's love to each other and toward others in need. Wow! What a great discussion among parents who are really wrestling with family discipleship.

How are you teaching your children to love God?

Mentoring

Friday night my daughter asked a woman in our church to mentor her. We discussed this ahead of time and prayed about who she would ask to help her think about her relationship with God. I was very supportive of her decision and encouraged her to step out in this way.

I expect that over the next 10 months my daughter will meet with her mentor in restaurants, home or coffee shops to disciple her and spend time encouraging her in her activities whether it be sports or service activities. The important principle for a Christian mentor is to walk with our child as he or she grows and becomes like Christ. I want my daughter's mentor to encourage her to bear God's image more fully.

It's NOT a program, It's a Lifestyle!

I don't have time for another program - another place to be and another thing to do. I'd rather spend my time as a family talking about our real life situations in relation to God's will. I want to pray with my kids - about their relationship with God, their friends, our neighbors, our church and the needs in our community and around the world. I want to spend time teaching my kids about missions by hosting a visiting missionary and reading a biography of a missionary like Hudson Taylor together.

Sometime I feel like we are so busy as parents running our kids to one program after another that we don't have the time to talk with them about what's going on in their lives. Enough is enough! We are getting a group of parents together with leaders at our church to discuss how the local church and pastors can work together to equip parents and families to grow in Christ. Why? Because I believe there is nothing more important to raising a new generation to lead the church than to bring Christ and Christlike living into the core of every home.

Discipleship

I am reading the gospel of Mark now. Wow! What a fast-moving book. Mark keeps us moving through the life of Jesus as He is portrayed as a Man of action. Mark shows us that Jesus is a Servant busy about his Father's business. As a parent/disciple of Christ I am reminded that I must always be about the Lord's business - as a servant to others. Servants are constantly involved in the lives of people.


In Mark 3:13-15 we could the perfect distillation of discipleship. In chapters 1 and 2 of Mark we read how Jesus is a Servant at work: healing, comforting, teaching. In chapter 3 Jesus chooses His twelve disciples. What is the purpose of this new relationship? 1) So that they might be with Him and 2)so that they might be sent out by Him. They are to be equipped by Him, through example and instruction, in order to be able to serve and minister like Him.

Jesus is our example as parents to disciple our own children. We are called to intentionally be WITH our children - modeling for them how we teach others, serve the sick, visit shut ins, so that they might learn from our example. Then in the midst of our service with our children we instruct them.

Your thoughts? How do you disciple your own children? I would love to hear from you!

Parenting: The Great Resistance

Recently, a friend sent me an excerpt from a book written by Neil Postman on parenting. I reminds us that we are in a spiritual battle for the hearts and minds of our own children. Fight on!

Parenting as Cultural Resistance

Neil Postman, one of the truly insightful secular social commentators of the 20th century, was correct when he said that parenting was “Cultural Resistance.” In one of his books, “The Disappearance of Childhood” he outlines the devastating influences of our culture on childhood. At the end of the book he asks a question, “is the individual powerless to restrict what is happening?” He says,

The answer to this, in my opinion, is “No.” But, as with all resistance, there is a price to pay. Specifically, resistance entails conceiving of parenting as an act of rebellion against American culture. For example, for parents merely to remain married is itself an act of disobedience and an insult to the spirit of a throwaway culture in which continuity has little value. It is also at least ninety percent un-American to remain in close proximity to one’s extended family so that children can experience, daily, the meaning of kinship and the value of deference and responsibility to elders. Similarly, to insist that one’s children learn the discipline of delayed gratification, or modesty in their sexuality, or self-restraint in manners, language, and style is to place oneself in opposition to almost every social trend. Even further, to ensure that one’s children work hard at becoming literate is extraordinarily time-consuming and even expensive. But most rebellious of all is the attempt to control the media’s access to one’s children. There are, in fact, two ways to do this. The first is to limit the amount of exposure children have to media. The second is to monitor carefully what they are exposed to, and to provide them with a continuously running critique of the themes and values of the media’s content. Both are very difficult to do and require a level of attention that most parents are not prepared to give to child-rearing.

Nonetheless, there are parents who are committed to doing all of these things, who are in effect defying the directives of their culture. Such parents are not only helping their children to have a childhood but are, at the same time, creating a sort of intellectual elite. Certainly in the short run the children who grow up in such homes will, as adults, be much favored by business, the professions, and the media themselves. What can we say of the long run? Only this: Those parents who resist the spirit of the age will contribute to what might be called the Monastery Effect, for they will help to keep alive a humane tradition. It is not conceivable that our culture will forget that it needs children. But it is halfway toward forgetting that children need childhood. Those who insist on remembering shall perform a noble service.

Neil Postman, The Disappearance of Childhood, (1982; repr,. New York: Vintage, 1994), 152-153

Building Christ, Community and Character

Today my girls and I joined several youth and leaders from our church to go to a homeless shelter downtown. We brought board games, crafts and snacks to play with families and kids. By designing the opportunity to serve we were able to build Christ, Community and Character into our kids.

How?

Christ is built in a young person's life when we pray with her and for her. This afternoon before the families from the shelter came down to the game room, we prayed with our kids asking God to give us His heart for the poor and to know Him in a new way.

Community is built in a young person's life when mature leaders are available to advise, nurture and encourage her. Today, we had three leaders who modeled Christ's love toward others and encouraged the youth by showing them how to include others in games and start conversations.

Character is formed in the life of a youth when we hear teaching about how to respond and interact with people who are weak. Before the residents from the homeless shelter arrived in the game room our youth pastor taught the youth about how Christ interacted with the poor and in turn how we should treat them. She gave examples about appropriate behavior. The teaching gave the kids a good biblical foundation on serving the poor with humility. After the teaching our kids spent the next 2 hours playing games, serving food and talking with kids and families who are going through a very difficult time in their lives.

Tomorrow, I want to look at the four dynamics that transformed our thinking, attitude and behavior.

Our Goal in Christian Parenting

You've heard of the proverb: "If you aim at nothing you will surely hit it." The same can be said in the most important task we have as parents - the spiritual training of our children. If this is so important then why is it that most of us don't sit down with our spouse (or if we are single parents, we could sit with our church leaders, grandparents) and think through what we want our chidren to know, do and become.

By the age of 18 most of our children will move away. I look at that day (in five years for us) and hope that we have trained them to love God and love others. And it's not just traininng but living an authentic life in devotion to Christ, serving Him, praising Him in all things and pouring out His love to those around us. In the midst of our crazy busy lives as parents we can model and train our children to love God and love others. It's not a program! It's a way of life.

So what's our goal? It's the complete life transformation of the lives of our children in five areas: Christ, Community, Character, Calling, and Competencies. Children can know and love God. By faith they can become united with Him. They can know Christ in a supportive and accountable community (church school teachers, mentors, coaches, youth leaders, grandparents, prayer intercessors). It is within the context of Christ and Community they they learn inegrity (Character) and can begin to discover the purposes of God's will for their lives (Calling). As children grow in character and calling the can learn new skills like leading worship, visiting elderly people, cooking meals for sick friends, biblical knowledge, fixing machines, horticulture, social justice. All of these life skills prepare them for their calling. They can learn what they excel in and what where they are weak. This is the goal in transforming the lives of our children - Christ, Community, Character, Calling and Competencies! (Malcolm Webber, "The ConneXions Model", LeaderSource SGA)

Family Dinner Questions

We have a box of cards on our dining room table with questions called "Table Topics". A few times a week at dinner we choose a card and take turns answering it. Tuesday night's card said: "What challenging experience has made you a stronger person?" Julia answered: "The trips we took as a family to other countries helped me to meet people who are different from me and to trust God for health and safety." Julia has traveled to many different countries with John and I to learn about other cultures and serve the local church. She went to Cameroon with me in 2007 to lead a vacation bible school. She went to Borneo with John to tour Bako National Park and learn about the environmental conditions the local people live with on a daily basis. As a family we all traveled to Cambodia to train local Children's workers. Julia is learning to follow God wherever He will lead her! Attached is a photo of Juila talking to a Black Hmong villager in northern Vietnam.