Families Today

I've been spending a lot more time around high school kids lately. Recently, I asked a group of students about their family situations. I was struck by how many of them said they lived with Mom. Some with Dad. Some with neither. They used terms like divorce, separation, abondonment. Sadly, this is more typical of families today. This shift in family patterns is causing a lot of heartaches, pain, uncertainties, difficulties as children grow into adults.

As Walt Mueller of CPYU says: Alot of homes have become a war zone with parents not speaking to one another and siblings taking out the emotional stress on another. I am hearing more and more that teens really want healthy relationships. An older adult to talk with and share their struggles. One expert says that "relational deprivation" is one of marks of today's emerging generation. Our children and teens were created to be in relationship. Humanly speaking, the primary relationship for which they were made is one with dad and mom. today's teenagers desire real relationships that are characterized by depth, vulnerability, openness, listening and love - connectedness in their disconnected, confusing and alientated word."

Broken relationships lead to deep brokenness. Deep brokenness responds to relationship. What will we - parents, the church - do about it?

Building Christ in Kids in the Midst of Life

Last night after dinner every member of our family plus our chocolate lab grabbed a rake and went outside. The leaves are almost all down in the front yard and they are beginning to pile high. As we were raking I asked my youngest daughter about how her mentoring session went that afternoon with her new mentor. So as we were raking and talking she told me that they discussed school issues, stuff with friends and what a mentoring relationship "looks like". I asked her what she understands her mentoring relationship will be like and she told me: "Mentoring is a relationship where a someone older and wiser helps me grow in my relatioship with Christ."

Yes! This is the stuff of life and how we build our kids to know and love God! It is both intentional AND part of our lifestyle! As a parent, I am thinking intentionally about building up my child into the image of Christ, talking with her about her relatioship with her mentor, encourage her. This is simple. It's not hard stuff and not an add-on program. It's within everyday life chores and activities that we disciple our kids.

Go Be a Yellow Daisy!

Yesterday, I had lunch with a close friend to pray with her and swap stories of what God is doing in our lives. She was my prayer and accoutability partner several years ago. She is such an encouragement to me because she remembers some of the things I struggled with years ago and remembered to ask me about them yesterday.

Recently, she transferred her girls from a Christian school to the public middle school. She has been helping her daughters realize that they are followers of Jesus and should reflect His image at school and when they are with their friends. One day this point was perfectly illustrated when she sent one daughter out to her garden to pick flowers for their dinner table. The girl went to the white daisies but was quickly attracted to the one yellow daisy among all the white ones. She picked the yellow daisy and brought it to her mother. My friend was surprised to see the yellow flower and asked her why she picked that one when there were a whole bunch of white ones. "Because I was attracted to it. The yellow one stuck out from the others." My friend used this opportunity to talk to her daughter about the fact that as a follower of Jesus we should "stick out" among others so that the world would be attracted to us and want to know more about the One we follow.

What a great example of a parent teaching truth to her child!

Future Leaders

Dr. Dan Brewster of Compassion International asks the following question in an article, 'Child Ministry and Mission Strategy': 'What are our strategies for growing the leadership needed to lead the churches in 2025?” The forming of leadership is not a process that starts with adults, but is nurtured from a child's early years on. Therefore, future leadership within the Body of Christ is a present-day responsibility of both parents and the church.

Speaking of Mentoring.........

Previously, I talked about the importance of finding mature spiritual mothers and fathers in our church to mentor our children. Some may see the idea of mentoring as a daunting task. "How do I begin? What should be covered?" To help parents and mentors in this important aspect of development, I asked a friend of mine for permission to share his "Mentoring Checklist for Sons and Young Men." Dr. Phil Kayser is a pastor who also leads a ministry working towards Reformation, Renewal, and Transformation of Church, Family and Culture. The name of the ministry is Biblical Blueprints and their goal is to equip Christians with God's blueprints for living their lives to His glory.

Check out their link here:
http://www.biblicalblueprints.org/products/LeaderDevelopment.pdf

Goal: Loving God

Last night, we invited our older daughter's entire soccer team and their families for an end of the season party. We hosted 55 people for pizza, veggies, fruit, pop and lots of dessert! Very fun! Most of the teenagers played "capture the flag" after dinner.

During dinner I sat down to eat with some of the parents. One mother, who has a son who recently started taking classes at a Christian college asked a really thought-provoking question. She said the Christian college her son attends sets rules for students to follow, one of which is a "no dancing rule". She questioned if this particular rule was really necessary. Several of the parents asked why the rule is in place given that we are "free in Christ". The conversation quickly turned to the key question: "How do you prepare your child to live for Christ in every area? Are we discipling our children in a way that when they graduate and leave home, will they make the right choices?" These questions are primary to Christian parents because the Bible teaches that we have the responsibility to train our children.

One of the fathers in our conversation summed up his thoughts on the subject with this: "Teach your children to LOVE God. If they love God completely then they will not be tempted to veer from right decisions." Loving God.......yes that's it! That's the bottom line! But how? I asked this father HOW he and his wife have pratically, daily showed and taught their children to love God. He explained that praying together as a family and reading God's Word together as a family shows the children that we love God so much that we want to spend time with Him. He also talked about how he and his wife model God's love to each other and toward others in need. Wow! What a great discussion among parents who are really wrestling with family discipleship.

How are you teaching your children to love God?

Mentoring

Friday night my daughter asked a woman in our church to mentor her. We discussed this ahead of time and prayed about who she would ask to help her think about her relationship with God. I was very supportive of her decision and encouraged her to step out in this way.

I expect that over the next 10 months my daughter will meet with her mentor in restaurants, home or coffee shops to disciple her and spend time encouraging her in her activities whether it be sports or service activities. The important principle for a Christian mentor is to walk with our child as he or she grows and becomes like Christ. I want my daughter's mentor to encourage her to bear God's image more fully.

It's NOT a program, It's a Lifestyle!

I don't have time for another program - another place to be and another thing to do. I'd rather spend my time as a family talking about our real life situations in relation to God's will. I want to pray with my kids - about their relationship with God, their friends, our neighbors, our church and the needs in our community and around the world. I want to spend time teaching my kids about missions by hosting a visiting missionary and reading a biography of a missionary like Hudson Taylor together.

Sometime I feel like we are so busy as parents running our kids to one program after another that we don't have the time to talk with them about what's going on in their lives. Enough is enough! We are getting a group of parents together with leaders at our church to discuss how the local church and pastors can work together to equip parents and families to grow in Christ. Why? Because I believe there is nothing more important to raising a new generation to lead the church than to bring Christ and Christlike living into the core of every home.

Discipleship

I am reading the gospel of Mark now. Wow! What a fast-moving book. Mark keeps us moving through the life of Jesus as He is portrayed as a Man of action. Mark shows us that Jesus is a Servant busy about his Father's business. As a parent/disciple of Christ I am reminded that I must always be about the Lord's business - as a servant to others. Servants are constantly involved in the lives of people.


In Mark 3:13-15 we could the perfect distillation of discipleship. In chapters 1 and 2 of Mark we read how Jesus is a Servant at work: healing, comforting, teaching. In chapter 3 Jesus chooses His twelve disciples. What is the purpose of this new relationship? 1) So that they might be with Him and 2)so that they might be sent out by Him. They are to be equipped by Him, through example and instruction, in order to be able to serve and minister like Him.

Jesus is our example as parents to disciple our own children. We are called to intentionally be WITH our children - modeling for them how we teach others, serve the sick, visit shut ins, so that they might learn from our example. Then in the midst of our service with our children we instruct them.

Your thoughts? How do you disciple your own children? I would love to hear from you!